After PANIC: Dodge's Epilogue!
by Improbable Creatures
Summary: This is NOT a delirium fanfic, this is a fanfic for lauren Oliver's new book Panic. There was no option in the categories for that, so I apologize if it's a little confusing. It took me a few days to realize that I actually really liked this book. I like how she leaves some things open ended for interpretation. Just my version of how dodges story wraps up. Reviews welcome.


October 23rd.

DODGE

The weather had turned colder in carp. The temporary heat wave that had hit all over the east coast, making it feel like summer was refusing to die, had ended. The last few weeks of getting of work early at the Home Depot and swimming at the estuary with Nat, Heather, Bishop, and sometimes Lily was over too. It was definitely fall in New York- cold, grey, and dreary. Dodge found himself longing for just one more day of summer. One more day of beers at the beach, and sunshine, and music blasting from bishops old pile of crap car he carted back and forth from college on the weekends, and Nat- there was always Nat.

After the last challenge was over, and Heather won. Dodge was still furious with Natalie. He understood why she did it, but he didn't understand why she cared. It took him a whole week to pull his head out of his ass and realize that maybe revenge wasn't the most important thing anymore. It was the only thing he thought about for so long that it had consumed him and made him into someone that he really didn't want to be. Even Dayna had moved on, she was still happy with that moron at Dots diner, Ricky. Although he had to admit that Ricky wasn't really all that bad, and he seemed to really love Dayna which made Dodge happy. Two weeks after the whole mess, he decided to let it all go, and he picked up the phone and called Natalie.

"C'mon Nat" heather was pleading.

"Tell us how it went?"

It was Saturday.

Bishop was down from college, Heather was off work, and Nat had gone to an audition for some toothpaste commercial. They had picked Nat up and gone to get lunch at the new diner that opened just off the highway. Dots too. Yep, they opened up another Dots diner just a few miles down the road.

"Ugh.. It was awful. You guys.. Seriously, awful" Nat just stirred her milk shake with a frown.

The whole way from Nat's house to the diner she hadn't said a word. Just stared out the window with the saddest eyes. Dodge hated seeing her like this, but he figured it was better if he didn't say anything. So he just held her hand and every so often she would squeeze it, as for reassurance that he was still there. He wasn't going anywhere.

" I dunno" Nat started.

"They wanted me to read these totally cheesy lines, and I was trying so hard to be serious, but I mean it's frigging toothpaste!"

Heather and Nat both laughed.

"So I read the lines.. And the guy cut me off halfway through, he looked me up and down and then said I wasn't really what they were looking for. Bullshit"

She took a deep sigh.

" whatever, I probably wasn't pretty enough for it anyway"

she had looked so sad and so defeated that All of a sudden words were leaving dodges mouth, without him really thinking about it.

"What?! Are you crazy.. Your beautiful"

Nat just stared at him, he saw the blush begin to rise on her cheeks and the tiny tears start to form in her eyes, making them look glassy. There was an intensity to her stare, like she could see Into all the hidden parts of him, she smiled for the first time that day and then replied,

"Thanks. That's really nice of you to say"

"Well I mean it.. They're the crazy ones. Your perfect." He squeezed her hand and at that moment they both realized that Heather and bishop had completely ignored their moment, and were already engrossed in another conversation. All of a sudden bishop got up "gotta piss. Be right back" Heather laughed

"Thanks for announcing it" She said while rolling her eyes.

"I have to call Lily back, sorry guys" she said to the both of them. While Heather was on the phone with Lily, Nat all of a sudden leaned in close, her hand on his thigh, her lips were so close to Dodge's ear that it tickled for a minute.

"Do you think we could go somewhere..private?Alone..." she whispered. All of a sudden dodge felt warm. Fuzzy. Like there was not enough air in this room and he might suffocate. It's not that him and Nat hadn't been alone together. They had, many times. But there was something in her voice, an edge to it, he couldn't place it.

He nodded his head "yeah.. Sure"

She smiled. He had to think for a moment. Where should they go? He looked outside, it couldn't be outdoors. The big grey clouds had already started to form over head. It was definitely going to rain at some point today, and probably sooner than later. The only place he could think of was his house, though he dreaded that fact. Mom and Dayna were gone all weekend at some medical conference big Bill kelly had invited them to in Boston. Some place for others like Dayna, who were looking for new doctors with fresh ideas and hoping they would want to take on a case like hers. Still, he lived on meth row and Nat might as well live in a crystal castle as comparison, he was embarrassed, but it was the only place. As if sensing his fear and hesitation Nat squeezed his hand and smiled. Bishop was back, and talking to Heather about god knows what.

"So should we go?" He asked.

Both Dodge and Nat looked confused.

"Huh?" Nat said.

"do you guys want to go see a movie?" Heather repeated

Nat looked over at dodge and then said

"Um, actually I think we're gonna go" she blushed just the slightest.

Bishop laughed. "Go where? It's about to start raining"

Nat and Heather were staring at each other too long, like some silent conversation that only they could hear. Heather smiled wide and then turned back to bishop

"Let's go pick up Lily"

Bishop just stood there dumb founded, like he had no idea what just happened. Heather smiled at Dodge and then laughed a little.

"Bye you guys" she said as her and bishop headed towards the door.

"Call me later Nat"

"K" Nat responded.

The walk back to Dodges wasn't really that long, but the weather of course was starting to get ugly, so they tried to walk fast. Nat held on to Dodge's hand the whole time, while he listened to her talk about what she might want to do if the acting thing didn't exactly pan out. The closer they got to Dodges house the more nervous he began to feel. He couldn't figure out why he was feeling this way. Him and Natalie had been alone many times. They'd done some stuff, fun stuff, but they hadn't been together in that way just yet. He wanted to, and she wanted to, but she was trying to not be _that_ girl anymore. she had told him she wanted to wait, because she really liked him and all that stuff that had happened before wasn't really the person she wanted to be anymore. Sure he thought about it, sometimes a lot, but honestly he was just happy to spend time with her. They were hanging out regularly, practically on a daily basis. While he was lost in this thought there was a sudden boom. thunder. Great, he thought. And just at that moment the sky opened up and started to pour. They were still at least 8 blocks from his house. Natalie squealed and they both started to make a run for it. Nat was trying to hold her jacket over her head, but all that was doing was getting her back soaked. 3 blocks left, dodge grabbed her hand again.

"C'mon I know a short cut through the alley" he pulled her fast, trying to get out of the torrential down pour as soon as possible.

They were almost there. When dodge saw the front door of his place he started to fish for the keys in his pockets. Nat's lips were turning blue, she was shivering, soaking wet. She looked like a lost puppy stuck in the rain. Once he got the door opened, he grabbed Nat and pulled her inside. She was shaking.

"So cold" she whispered.

"Here let me get you a towel" he ran to the hallway closet as Nat began to look around his house. He didn't even have time to feel embarrassed about the messy apartment, he was freezing too. He wrapped the towel around Nat's shoulders, she was soaking wet from head to toe.

"Thhhhank youuuu" she croaked out.

"Your soaking wet, you should get out of these clothes, I've got at shirt and some shorts, stay here" he said. He went into his bedroom. Shit. Not a total mess but still it wasn't great. He tried to clean it up a bit and then went to the dresser. Looking for a shirt small enough for Natalie. Suddenly the door opened.

"Dodge" she smiled.

"Hey, I was just getting you some clothes. Here try these" he threw her a shirt and some shorts. Suddenly Nat was taking off her buttoned down top and jeans, the room got small. He assumed she'd go into the bathroom and change but she didn't. She was standing there in her underwear staring at him. She stared at the clothes he gave her for a minute, then left them sitting on the bed, and started walking towards him. He couldn't move. Couldn't stop staring. Every bend and curve of her body was perfect. The way her hair, still wet from the rain,was hanging on her shoulders. The color of her eyes, two dark holes, deep and intense, they didn't look sad anymore, they smoldered. the tiny pink mole just above her belly button.

Perfect.

How could this perfect creature be here, in his shitty little apartment on meth row, staring at him like she wanted him. Like she loved him. His heart was pounding. Natalie reached up on her tip toes and threw her arms around him. She kissed him hard, there was an intensity to this kiss, a fire. He was lost in her smell, the softness of her lips, the feel of her warm body against him. Suddenly she lifted up his soaking wet shirt to pull it off, he helped her and threw it on the floor. She looked at his chest, at the tattoo that covered most of it, and put her hand there, then she reached up to kiss him again. Slowly, she ran her fingers down his chest to the button of his jeans, lingering for just a moment, with her hand slightly down the waistband. her hand was soft and warm, it sent little electric pulses to his heart. She was kissing him with such fire and warmth. She wanted him. Slowly pulling away he whispered "are you sure?"

Her eyes were holding him there, in this space of heat and fire. She bit her lower lip and suddenly smiled, glancing up at him again.

She slowly nodded, "yes" she murmured.

That was all he needed. She wrapped her arms around his neck again and began the kiss that lit a thousand fires in his chest. He slowly walked her back towards the bed. There was nothing but her. He didn't care about his shitty little apartment, or meth row, or Dayna or mom, or any of it. He only saw her.

Every part of her pulled him under, into this dream like state, honestly he thought maybe he was dreaming. He didn't care, if this was a dream he never wanted to wake up. Nat laid back on the bed pulling him with her, for a short second he pulled away and just looked at her. Sucking in a breath he whispered

"Your beautiful" and she really was. He had always thought she was pretty, but there was something about her that had shifted over the last few months, now she looked radiant. Maybe even happy.

"I love you" Nat suddenly blurted out.

Dodge froze. He wasn't sure if he heard her correctly, but something was suddenly aching in his chest. He looked at Natalie who was now looking down. Embarrassed. He grabbed her chin, softly bringing her eyes back up to meet his. She was staring at him, with tears welling up in her eyes. He had never said those words to anyone other than Dayna and mom before, But he was sure that he felt it. That this is what love was. I mean hadn't he been in love with her from the beginning.

"I love you too, Natalie"

Tears were now streaming down her face, but she was smiling

"You do?" She asked

He kissed her and whipped the tears away.

"I've loved you for a while now" he whispered in her ear.

Nat smiled, and then pulled his lips down to hers again, suddenly the fire was back. Strong and burning. There were no more words, nothing more needed to be said. He was burning and he was burnt. She tasted like vanilla and strawberries. She grabbed his hand as he moved slowly against her. Serious, but Shy. There was nothing that existed in this moment but them, he wanted nothing more than to disappear into every piece of her, their own little oblivion.

Afterward they both lay there in the silent air, exhausted, listening to the rain still coming down hard. Natalie was laying across Dodge's chest, while he was absent mindedly playing with her hair. He was about to drift off when Nat stirred.

"Dodge?" She murmured.

He opened one eye to look down. lazy. happy.

"Yeah"

"I'm sorry I kidnapped you" she smiled. He couldn't help but laugh. She was being playful, he could tell, but there was still an edge of truth to it. He could feel it.

" hmmm, I guess it's a good thing I love you so much."

Nat just sighed. Happy. She looked so peaceful. Her breathing was slower and he could sense she'd started to drift off. He lightly kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes taking in her scent and letting the sleep finally take him under.

Dodge had never been a great sleeper, he'd had nightmares since he was a child. Even now he usually wrestled with insomnia. Constantly up and down through out the night. But this night he slept like a baby, he didn't even realize it was morning until he felt Nat play with his hair. She whispered his name and he couldn't quite tell if he was still dreaming. Dodge opened his eyes, and there she was. The girl with the sparkling two dark pools for eyes. Laying in his bed. Naked. She was smiling at him. He couldn't help it, he leaned over and kissed her.

"Dodge" she whispered against his lips.

" I think somebody's home.."

Huh? He thought to himself. As if on que, the door suddenly flew open.

"Dodge! You up?" Dayna.

She stopped herself immediately, looking horrified. Sitting in her wheelchair. Nat hid under the covers and all he could do was laugh.

"Oh shit! I'm so sorry.." she slammed the door shut.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know you had anyone over.. Shit.." She muffled through the door.

"It's alright Day, I'll be out in a minute" he shouted back to her. At this point him and Nat were both laughing. Although he didn't really want to leave this bed with her, he couldn't very well do what he wanted to do with his sister out in the living room.

"Sorry about that.." He said to Nat.

"Oh, It's ok, I should probably be going anyways.. You'd keep me here all day if I let you" she blushed.

"I would" he smirked.

Bringing her face back to his, he pressed his lips to hers for one more kiss.

Nat started to get dressed, Dodge left her in his room while he headed out to the kitchen. Dayna was sitting on the couch watching tv, trying her best not to look mortified.

"Hey, I'm sorry." She croaked

"It's cool Day, don't worry about it" he smiled.

"I thought you guys weren't coming back till this evening"

Dayna blushed.

"Well, we were. But honestly, the convention wasn't what I'd thought it would be and I kinda missed Ricky so I asked mom if we could head out in the morning."

"Where is mom?" He suddenly asked, realizing she wasn't in the apartment.

"Well, mom is getting a ride back from Bill. She let me take the car since I have my license now, and the paddles.." She trailed off.

Bill kelly had recently installed some hand paddles on his moms car, making it a handicapped accessible for Dayna to be able to drive now and then. For a moment Dodge wasn't thrilled to think about big Bill Kelly and his mom, alone together. But then, he thought, what does it matter, as long as he's good to her, she deserves to be happy.

"Whose the girl?" Dayna asked shyly.

Dodge blushed, flashing back for moment to the events of last night.

"Um.."

At that moment the door to his bedroom opened and Nat came walking out to the living room, a little red. Embarrassed. He thought she was the cutest thing ever when she blushed like that.

"Hi" she smiled at both of them.

"Dayna, this is Natalie. Natalie this is my sister Dayna" he introduced them.

"Most people call me Nat" she said as she shook Dayna's hand. She wasn't staring like most people did, at his sister in the wheelchair. She honestly acted like she hadn't even noticed. And she wasn't being overly nice either. Patronizing her like some people did. She was just talking to her, like any other person you would meet. Casually. In that moment he realized he loved her so much more for that. For just being normal.

"Um Dodge, do you think I could borrow your phone? Mines dead. I need to call Heather and see if she can pick me up."

"I can give you a ride home.. If you want?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Dayna let me borrow moms car for a minute to drive Nat home?" He asked. Pleading with his eyes.

"yeah, sure. Here" she threw him the keys.

The ride to Nat's house seemed too short. She was quiet for most of it, lost in thought. He was still mulling over everything that happened the night before, happy for the first time in months. Never in a million years did he ever think he would say 'I love you' to Nat Velez, or that she would ever say it back. Impossible. He thought. How did this happen. He knew in a few minutes they would be there, and he would have to say goodbye. A thought that tugged at his heart. Even though she was quiet, she held his right hand with both of hers, and every few seconds would lightly squeeze 3 times, then pause, then do it again. A silent rhythm only she could hear.

"I had fun last night" she said after a long silence.

"Yeah me too"

"Sorry about this morning, my sister, and my messy apartment..." He trailed off.

"Oh it's ok, I liked your sister, and your apartment wasn't that messy"

He knew she was lying about the last part. But he loved her for it.

"Listen dodge.." she sounded nervous.

Oh no, he thought, she's changing her mind. She doesn't love you after all, it was all the heat of the moment. His stomach turned and he felt was always terrified of losing the things he loved.

"I meant what I said to you last night. I've just.. I've never said that to anyone before. You know.. " She looked down for a moment.

"I never really felt it, I guess.."

He wasn't sure if she was finished. So he just stayed quiet and listened. Waiting for her to get to the point. He turned on to her street but parked down the way. He didn't want to pull into the drive way, where her parents might spy on them. He turned off the car and looked at her. His eyes pleading her to continue.

"Anyways, my point is.. I.. I don't know what we are and I mean, we've hung out a lot lately, and I guess I just want to clarify, um, I don't really wanna just mess around anymore with anybody. I guess I just wanted to know what you thought. I guess... Um you know, What are we?" Her hands were shaking and it occurred to him in that moment, That she was nervous. That she actually thought maybe he didn't want to be with her? That this was a fling? The thought was ridiculous.

"Natalie, I meant what I said to you. I'm not fucking around. I love you.. I want to be with you." She took a breath. And smiled.

"I want to be with you too" he pulled her on his lap and kissed her hard. She seemed to relax and kissed him back. She smiled and pulled away just an inch.

"So to answer your question. Your my girl now, you know that right?"

She smiled wide and he saw her perfect little teeth all lined up in her perfect little mouth. She nodded, yes, then kissed him one last time before getting back to her seat. He started the car up again and drove to her house, pulling in front of the garage.

"What time are you off" she asked him.

"Eight thirty"

"Call me when your done then?" She asked as she started to open the door.

"Of course" he smirked.

"Bye" she started to walk away. He just sat there watching her go. She stopped abruptly and turned.

"Wait" she said while running up to his car window.

He rolled it down just as she slammed her mouth to his. She kissed him hard. He couldn't believe she was kissing him like this. In her parents drive way. In the fanciest neighborhood in all of carp, With her dad probably peeking out of the curtain in the front window watching them. He didn't care. He let her, and kissed her right back. Tangling his hands in her hair. She smiled and started to pull away.

"I love you" she whispered.

He laughed. She was so adorable looking at him that way.

"I love you too, velez" he winked.

She smiled again, and started to walk back to the house.

"Bye"

The whole drive back to meth row dodge had the biggest smile plastered across his face. Everything looked brighter and prettier to him, even the shit hole alley he turned down to go park his moms car behind Dots dinner, seemed to have a gleam to it. He turned off the engine and just sat there for a moment, thanking god or whatever universe was out there, That this was the turn of events that had happened in his life, that for the first time since before Dayna's accident, he was actually happy. And as he got out to go back into the house he looked at the sky and smiled. Hell yeah. He thought. Today was going to be a great day.


End file.
